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I celebrated the birth of Georgie Porgie Washington (and my mom) by interviewing some high school girls about their sexual practices. It’s for a news story I’m writing. Perverts.

Typing up my results at my office/Bud’s Big Burgers (the one joint in St. Maries with free wireless), among a coffee klatsch of logger regulars, I saw HANDLBR! This man sports a derby hat, dapper threads and a perfectly-twirled curl at the end of each side of his ‘stache. The vanity plates on his pick-up say HANDLBR. As I sat at my designated workstation table (seriously…they know my name and how I take my coffee), I could hardly contain my giddness. This guy exudes badassness. From close range, I perceived smoker lungs, glassy drinker eyes and rosaceous skin. He badgered waitresses with a gravel voice, and they smiled. I tried to take a super discreet cell pic.

HANDLBR

It was also the day to discover if I needed Washington-esque (but not) sandalwood dentures. Pushing two years without a dentist visit, I had finally submitted my “sliding fee” application. I live on the Coeur d’ Alene Indian Rez. Between Indian Health and an excess splattering of gambling revenue and gubment funds (thanks, Kyle and everyone else who had to pay taxes this year), I got a full set of X-rays, oral cancer screening and a thumbs-up of no cavities (!!!!!!) all for a crisp Hamilton ten-spot.

But…Dental Dr. Madsfany (ever tried to txt the word mcdreamy? Heh.) also said it’s reeeeeeally past time to get those wisdom teef yanked. Ugh. I am a Grade A Weenis and have put this off forever (past the point of parental insurance). So here’s the dilemma:

*Of the four wisdumbs, two are showing. They can pull those two here for that same $10 co-pay deal. I’m not totally certain, but I think I would be heavily numbed but not under the influence of good drugs.
*The other two need oral surgerizing which is about $500 per tiny toof. This is knocked-out-loss-of-consciousness time travel (preferred method).

So do I:

A) Make two trips and save 50%.

B) Make one less-conscious/more-expensive trip.

C) Put this gross shit off longer (despite my sometimes aching jaw) and deal with it in Spain(?) Or Latin America where I can get a better deal/better drugs.

Blech.

Time to rest up, so I can be the lord’s most precious-faced Spanish sub in the morning. And tomorrow is Phucking Phriday! Maybe I’ll get drunk and ask HANDLBR to pull my stupid teeth.

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